Where two or three
From Wellington Cathedral of St Paul
Where two or three… 4 September 2011: am
The Revd Jenny Wilkens
- Psalm 149
- Exodus 12:1-14
- Romans 13:8-14
- Matthew 18:15-20
http://wellingtoncathedral.org.nz/index.php/Sermons
There's a saying in Holland: 'Take one Dutchman and you have a theologian. Take two Dutchmen, and you have a denomination. Take three Dutchmen, and you have schism'. I wonder if you could apply that to Anglicans? Let's try it! 'Take one Anglican and you have a theologian. Take two Anglicans, and you have a denomination. Take three Anglicans, and you have schism'. Hmm…perhaps that's not so far from the truth, as we look at the Anglican Communion today.
But rather than casting stones from afar, perhaps we have to come closer to home, and acknowledge that often in our church family life, we are not that hot at conflict resolution, at sorting out misunderstandings. We are often only too good at nursing grudges, letting them fester, grizzling about them to our friends, 'sharing' them 'for prayer', in short, doing everything under the sun but taking the risk of going to the person we've fallen out with, saying sorry and sorting things out before they escalate.
And perhaps that's why we find today's Gospel reading so uncomfortable, so uncompromising as Matthew seems to set out for his community a formula, a manual of discipline, a process that looks to us like it could be an absolute minefield if actually put into practice. Doesn't it pander to our fault-finding culture of blame? always looking to put the responsibility onto someone else when things go wrong, rather than accepting our part in the relationship breakdown, that it takes two to tango? Doesn't it put the fault-finder in a position of power, of superiority over you, and even more so when they ring in a couple of their mates to support their side of the story, against yours?
That is one way of looking at it - but another perspective could be that the one who takes the initiative to quietly sort out a misunderstanding with another is trying to resolve it, even at the risk of not being heard, of being rejected, of losing face…and that takes courage, and faith, especially if we end up feeling hurt in the process. But costly as that is, is it not worth it to lance the boil, and allow healing of the relationship, rather than to let it fester away under the surface, and sour a relationship for months, years even…sadly we probably all know of relationships in our own families or church family that reflect that reality.
It's often thought this passage validated the practice of excommunication - 'if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector' (Mt 18:17). But we need to recall that what Jesus was well-known for was his continual reaching out and ministering to Gentiles and tax-collectors, calling them to repentance, to healing and to being his disciples. So in reality, we are called here to redouble our efforts to win back the one who has offended us, even if they have hurt us - and that's hard. But we need to hear Jesus' prayer as we do so, 'Father, forgive them for they know not what they do' (Lk 23:34). So often 'I see deliberate malice where God sees [but] ignorance and weakness' (Anthony de Mello, The Commission).
What about, though, that rather amazing language about binding and loosing things on earth and heaven? It comes from rabbinic language about the power to forbid or permit things that are in question. Doesn't that sound again like we've been put in some incredibly superior position over another, deciding on what is ok to be forgiven, and what should be held out on?
Another way of looking at could be to say that if we are the one who is taking the initiative and the risk of trying to sort out a disagreement, then we also can be the one to say sorry first, to admit that we might be in the wrong also. And this not in a Uriah Heep false humility sort of way, but a genuine attempt to reach out, to acknowledge our common humanity and human weakness on both sides. To say it is more important to me that we sort this out and restore our relationship than to know who's right and who's wrong.
To do that takes real humility, real love, real wanting the best for the other person. But it can also be quite disarming of conflict, and provide a way forward that can lead to real reconciliation and healing. It's been put like this: 'If we got used to admitting we were in the wrong as individuals, the habit might catch on, on a larger scale, and the results could be incalculable' (Tom Wright, Quiet Moments).
Perhaps to be able to admit that before others, we have to be very sure of our own status before God as loved children, forgiven for our own wrong-doing. The God with whom we aim to keep short accounts, in daily confession and knowledge of God's forgiveness - 'forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us', the two go together.
Henri Nouwen puts it like this: "Maybe the reason it seems hard for me to forgive others is that I do not fully believe that I am a forgiven person. If I could fully accept the truth that I am forgiven and do not have to live in guilt or shame, I would really be free. My freedom would allow me to forgive others seventy times seven times. By not forgiving, I chain myself to a desire to get even, thereby losing my freedom'(The Road to Daybreak).
I think that's why I like the Absolution in our Prayer Book, p. 458, which says, "God forgives you, forgive others, forgive yourself" - they go together, and we need to hear them together.
Well, you might say, that's all very well, but if only you knew the people I have to live with, the people I have to work with day by day in this city! It's not so easy! No, it's not - but in some ways, it's the same wherever two or three human beings get together. Recently I read an article called 'Faith at Work', coincidentally the same title as we are using for our Evensong series where some of our parishioners are speaking about their faith and work. This article was about life in New York and said this, "In an urban environment such as New York City, ubiquitous human contact is unavoidable. Whether we work…as an administrative assistant, or a salesperson, a trader or an executive, we must learn how to deal with other people in a way that is consistent with the Gospel…It is in learning how to love one another, especially those who are difficult to love, that we feel the tension of Jesus' teachings…Each person, no matter his or her station in life, from the mailroom to the boardroom, is called to be one who serves. That means leaving the ego at the door, saying hello, and treating each and every one with dignity and love…As members of the family of humankind, we have to decide whether we will get along, or perish. We have to decide whether we will live a life founded on Jesus' teachings of love and understanding, or just listen to them afar from a pew.' (The Rev Deacon Robert Zito, Trinity Wall St, New York in 'Trinity News', Summer 2011, vol 58 no 2)
Hard-hitting stuff! That's why the Peace is so powerful, or can be, even though many of us find it an uncomfortable thing to do. It is living the life! There is something very powerful about sharing the Peace with someone when the last exchange you had with them was an argument as you drove into the carpark, running late for choir practice, or a sharp exchange among those getting ready to minister in the service, when things go wrong at the last moment, and we clergy are not immune from that as you know! As we sing in the Servant Song, 'I will hold my hand out to you, speak the peace you long to hear.' Sometimes actions speak louder than words, sometimes we need to speak the words as well, even if the only word is 'Sorry'.
Of course it would be far easier if we were all the same! It's said that churches that are homogenous units grow fastest - where people are from the same background, political leanings, theology, language, culture - you don't have to explain so much about where you're coming from, it's easier- but how boring!
God has put us here together as a church family in all our diversity - but we have to work at getting on with each other! We may have to do more explaining to each other. You may have to listen to how what you said or didn't say, or did or neglected to do, offended someone else, even if you weren't aware of it! That takes effort and patience and love to work through, and it's so easy to get defensive and hurt instead and back off.
But take the risk and courage to sort it out, to listen and to learn ourselves. It's said children learn how to resolve conflict by seeing their parents working at resolving their conflicts openly and constructively. But don't let that make you paranoid about what sort of role model you're offering - we're all on a steep learning curve in this conflict resolution game throughout our lives.
I think that's where I find today's Collect encouraging, it's a very old prayer but it reminds us that all our works, including our life as a family, and our life as a church family, are works in progress, and we pray for God's help at all steps of the process, as they are begun, continued and ended, that we may glorify God by our life together.
It's salutary that Paul reminds the Roman community that among the works they are to lay aside are 'quarrelling and jealousy' (Rom. 13:13) - both so prevalent in church life. Instead, they are to 'put on the Lord Jesus Christ' (Rom. 13:14) - to live in Christ, and into Christ, and his model to us of love and forgiveness. For Christ is for us the Passover Lamb (1 Cor. 5:7,8), the one sacrificed for us, that we might move from slavery to sin and bitterness and resentment into the freedom of forgiveness and new beginnings.
As we gather for Eucharist this morning, twos and threes gathered in Christ's name, alongside each other at the altar which reminds us of Christ's sacrifice, let us keep the feast and commit ourselves to put on Christ, and to live lives of love and forgiveness - to God's glory among us. Amen.
